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Coming Home For the Holidays

Am I a time traveler? Did I actually just travel through time? What day is it? November 21st!? What. The. F*ck.

I don't know about you, dear reader, but this year went by at the speed of a court stenographer's WPM rate. I feel like I blinked and suddenly its Halloween, then Thanksgiving again. Pretty soon I'll be buying my first CVC pipe, filing for tax extensions, breaking into my 401K, and keeling over on the way up my stairs and dying a quick death with my freshly baked pumpkin loaf spilled over my chest, fingers twitching, limbs splayed on the floor.

Okay that's a bit dramatic, but this year has gone by quite quickly. So now I have come upon a prospect that hasn't been in my mind for some time: Visiting home for the holiday season. It's a stress that many of us have. There's something about going from a place where I answer to No Man, to having to my parents question my choice to go out on a Tuesday night after chugging three tequila sunrises. I will be as delinquent as I want to right now, mom, you were just as messy when you were my age and you know it. Not only that, but having grown up in a divorced home, I spent my entire childhood bouncing from one house to the other. Now that I have a consistent home in SF, I finally have something I've wanted my entire life. When I go home, 19 years of familial stress comes flooded back into my consciousness. I'm suddenly 7 year old Isabella again, confused and stressed and trying to find a balance between her two parents while trying to appease both of them. You see, my parents don't like each other. No matter how much I TRY to keep their conflict as a nonissue, as something that shouldn't effect me, it still does. However, I don't very much like talking about these things, so I'm really going out there by talking about this on my blog. (OVERSHARE OVERLOAD... REDIRECTION OF TOPIC INITIATED,,,,,,,,,)

But going home brings up all those familial qualms you have that you do your best not to think about while you're living your day-to-day life. But what are the benefits of coming home for the holidays? Well, for one, there's free food for a week. You get to see all the people you love. I can't think of anything that's better. Having said that, it is important to note that coming home from the holidays reminds you of who you are and how far you've come. Memories that you try to forget come flooding back; it's humbling. You were not always this awesome human that you are now. You were not as cool in high school as you tell your coworkers or friends. There are still family dynamics to sort through, bonds to be strengthened and grudges to be dissolved. Coming home for the holidays is important because we get to touch base with our roots, an aspect of ourselves that we can either embrace or disregard. You guys guess which one is healthier.

I'm a fan of always pushing yourself and going out of your comfort zone. In theory it's always easier. In practice, going out of my comfort zone is met with resistance from my psyche. I don't want to leave the comfort of my little apartment in the City and traverse deserts and mountains just to be forced back into an existence where I am told what to do. So, going out of my comfort zone could involve taking the dive and creating this blog. It could also involve disrupting my schedule to go home.

At the end of the day, I'm glad to be surrounded by the people I love. Familial bonds are for life, and I'm grateful for my crazy messed up family. No matter how weird it is.

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